One sibling (usually handmade something and a CD or DVD), one child and his (very serious) girlfriend (ditto).

I know when grandkids come along, it will be more complicated. It was certainly more difficult when the Marine!Goth was little.

When DH was alive, we usually bought a ‘joint gift’ or would agree on a budget for our gifts for each other. It’s never been about the huge amounts under the tree for either family, thank goodness.

A fun charity for children is Heifer International. You can “shop” for different animals based on your budget. The animals selected support poor families around the world, providing them with a sustainable form of nutrition and income.

On my husband’s side of the family, there are only two nephews and we buy a gift for each of them. The adults do the same $25 gift in the swap game that we do with my family.

We still buy individual gifts for our parents and grandparents, but nothing for aunts and uncles other than Christmas cards.

It works for us and everyone is much happier to have less stress.

Also, most of my nephews are into music and they don’t mind receiving used cd’s when it means I can buy 3 of them for the price of 1.

We have plenty of “stuff” already, so last year we tried a giving agreement where we could only give things that cost no money. We could give something we already owned, something we’d bartered for, chores (I gave gutter cleanings), or something we’d made from supplies we already had (I made photo prints).

That made for fun, unexpected, and much appreciated gifts. It was a blast, and the holidays were more about spending time together than things. To be fair to those who like shopping and spending, we promised we would allow spending this year. We’ll set a moderate spending limit.

However, a few years ago, we all decided that if we want something, we pretty much just go buy it, so there’s nothing we really “need” for Christmas. With that, the family decided to take that money we would’ve spent and give it to the charity of our choice. During Christmas dinner, we all get to share who received the benefit of our family’s Christmas. That way, the we are all helping others, we get to feel good about it, and on top of it all, the tax deduction helps too!

My husband’s family (one parent, seven kids, 11 grandkids) were doing a name draw when I married in, but with half of the family not living locally, not everyone’s gifts were delivered in a timely fashion, which was upsetting to the kids when it was their gift that was late, so they stopped doing the drawing altogether. We buy for his mom, and she buys for everyone, but that’s all.

I was buying something small for my close friends, but I’ve been out of work without pay since May, so the budget is tight. I’m hosting a “girls tea” instead – since we all rarely have common free time. We’re all looking forward to it, and it’ll be nicer than a book or something.

My husband had also gotten us into gift exchanges with some of our neighbours, and I thought it was ridiculous. Let’s face it, what are you going to get me in the ten dollar range that I will really appreciate and that I wouldn’t just go and get for myself? Pretty much nothing. And it was stressful when every week or so, husband would come up to me and ask “did we get anything for the K—’s?” (he doesn’t shop himself, he just kept bringing up families he thought “we” should buy for). A couple years ago I told him to tell everyone that we were not going to buy presents for neighbours anymore, we were going to donate to charity. Many charities will give you an insert stating “a gift has been donated in your honour”, and I would put them in with the Christmas cards. I generally donate to charities supporting children and families in the developing world, but you can pick anything — eg SPCA, medical research, universities, arts, museums, food banks, local charities. Also, they don’t reveal the amount (or at least they shouldn’t), so you can stick to your budget. This year, the charity I have chosen is very small, so I don’t think they will have inserts, but I will just write up my own note about it. I know some families take turns choosing a charity, and everyone donates to that charity in lieu of gift exchanges. One of our neighbours still gives us a present every year, but it is usually a box of the seashell chocolates (probably under $5), and I actually think that is kind of fun, because they are tasty and when they are done, no clutter. Just right for a token gift, and because I know it is inexpensive, I don’t feel guilt about not having something to give back.

I have also told my best friend that instead of buying presents, I would much rather go out for dinner with her or something when she comes up to visit than exchange gifts.

For her family, we draw names for adults, and the limit is $100. That way you can get something reasonable without going overboard. We also encourage a list to pick things from.

With my family, my brothers and mother are struggling financially, and have been for a while. So we have simply agreed not to exchange and just enjoy a nice dinner for the holidays at my mother’s house. While it sounds corny, getting together is a gift since we travel from out of state and we enjoy our time with them.

With respect to the kids, we buy the presents, typically all the presents, for our kids and let the grandmothers and uncles know what they bought. We’re in control of what the kids get, the kids get something from their realatives, and the realatives have no stress. It has worked for us.

My mother enjoys the family activities, but she is retired, does not have a big budget for gifts, and it stresses her a lot because she never knows what to get anyone and she hates shopping. She has asked for years to do a gift exchange, but her requests have fallen on deaf ears. She still chooses to buy gifts for everyone and go to all the gatherings. But I know that the holidays are no longer fun for her because of the stress.

Mother and I still exchange small gifts. She enjoys the gifts I give to her, and I took the stress out of buying gifts for me. I gave her a list of very inexpensive items (most are under $3) that I use regularly and that she can find at the grocery or the local dollar store on her regular rounds.

I don’the want to give the 3 kids anything because they don’the appreciate it and can’t even remember what anyone gives them they get so much. The other 2 boys are not spoiled and appreciate everything. Being an only child, if our daughter doesn’t get gifts from aunts and uncles she gets almost nothing.

Frankly, I need a gift because we don’t buy anything for ourselves, it all goes to bills, retirement or college.

If I had money I would buy gifts for everyone but I can’t and now I feel I have to bail on everybody since I can’t pick and choose.

Now just the kids get gifts.

Mike

Good article!

However, that does not hold true for Stacie. She loves presents and has put no restrictions on the family for gifts.

I did find that a great gift for many people is a magazine subscription. However, you’ll need to be sure they like to read, have the time to read and don’t already get that magazine, as well as know their interests too. At magazines.com you can get great deals, and if you use Upromise, you get like 25% cashback rewards (and sometimes more).

And for birthdays, people over 25 don’t get presents from extended family members. Maybe it’s younger–all I know is that I still get presents and I’m 22. But my older cousins don’t.

Works out really well in our family.

I did also consider doing the drawing names thing, but I need to get our families on board for this. Overall, though, our budget is about $1100 for gifts this year, and we stuck very close to it last year too. I’ll bring it up over Thanksgiving next week.

I do like the idea of not exchanging gifts with siblings (only giving to parents/grandparents). It’s a great way to show appreciation for elders and gift even more to them that would otherwise have gone back and forth between siblings.