Barring all cases of bipolar psychological disorders or extreme physical domestic abuse, HIDING DEBT from your spouse is in the SAME category as CHEATING! It is a deception, a breach of trust on the same scale. No, your spouse does not run the risk of bringing home cooties, or getting some bimbo knocked-up as in the case of an adulterous affair. However, your spouse will most likely bring home hardship, disgrace, instability, struggle, distrust, great expense, and the ringing of bill collectors all day and all night. Oh yeah, and don’t forget all of the missed opportunities that go by while your working two jobs to pay back credit card companies at 29% interest. Worth it? C’mon people, has the collective character of our great country stooped so low in recent times? Are unnecessary goods, services, and keeping up with the Jones of more importance than the psychological, financial, and emotional stability within your very home?

I am what you would call a saver. This is the fashionable distinction to make these days; either you’re a SPENDER or a SAVER…whatever. Let me just say that I think this distinction is a load of crap. Either you are a responsible adult accountable for your actions, or you are behaving like an out of control child. The laws of money are based on simple mathematics that you learned in grade school. Apply them and you will reap success, forgo them and you will suffer more or less like those other fools out there right now getting foreclosed on. The banks and credit card companies don’t care how emotionally needy you were while you drank your $6 latte’s, bought a hummer, or just had to impress the neighbors with this, that, and the other thing. Unless you file for bankruptcy, you are basically on the hook, a slave to the lender. And another thing, the banks and lenders are smarter than you, they hire finance MBAs and PhDs who will work 80hrs per week figuring out how to get you in debt and keep you there.

How do I know this – EXPERIENCE. I was married to just such a person; she duped me three times in our 8yr marriage. Each time with a promise to change and that it would never happen again. I bailed us out of it each time, and when enough time went by and I let my guard down, she did it again. This third and final time I am forced to file bankruptcy, attempt to sell my house in a down market (all offers have been less than I paid for the home), my credit is ruined because she put my name on some of the cards which she never intended to pay, and to forfeit all of the sweat equity that I put into this home over the past four years of back breaking renovations that were done on nights and weekends after my 60 hour work week.

I encourage Mr. Thrifty Femme to have his own accounts, but I’m also very nosy and will badger him until he tells me the balances ;o) We pull our credit reports together three times a year, so I would find out if he were running up huge debts.

For our joint accounts we have designated “joint” credit cards that are used for joint needs only – some in his name and some in mine, and I track ever penny spent. I ask him wait a day if we are close to the credit card statement date and if we are getting close to the budgeted amount.

I guess what I’m saying is I don’t really care how he’s spending his money as long as he isn’t racking up huge debt.

As for my own married life, my husband and I talk about every purchase we’re going to make, because usually we’ve been planning a little splurge and can’t help but get excited. Having a $200 cap would blow our tiny budget to smithereens pretty fast. Just about the only purchase we don’t consult on is our individual lunches during our respective work days. We both have an idea of how much the other spends, but it’s not regulated like other things.

About the I-Bonds being in your name only, you might want to check into the laws of your state. If you live in a community property state your wife might have rights to those assets even if her name is not on them, but I guess she would have to know about them first.

The article cited is right on with respect to the $200 mark. That’s the unofficial amount for my wife and I…

Maybe financial infidelity instead should be defined as failing to maintain an adequate balance between spending and investing as approved by both husband and wife. I think investing too much can be just as destructive to a couple’s relationship as spending too much…if you marry someone who doesn’t value investing or spending as much as you do.

Then again maybe nothing I said makes any sense

1. Have some cash around the house. A couple of hundred dollars will tide me over for a week or two in case I have to leave (or am kicked out).

2. Established a Roth IRA. Earnings aren’t reported on our taxes and the money grows. Currently, it is in a balanced mutual fund.

3. For the past six years, I’ve purchased varying quantities of I-bonds. Interest on I-bonds is not reported until you sell them. The bonds are in my name only.

All of these total around $50k but that would be enough to get me a leg up in my new life….if I ever have to do that.

I have always had a problem the $X spending limit because you could spend $200 every week without telling your partner and that $800 can blow your budget. It’s the spirit of financial responsibility to each other that is important, not just the “rules”.

In my house I manage the finances and determine where any “extra” money goes and we discuss the overall plan every 2 weeks or so. If someone needs or is considering a major purchase it comes up during these meetings.

For us, anything $300 and above is a major purchase and should be discussed in the context of our spending plan/budget. Additonally, discussing a purchase helps me (I’m the spender in the relationship) make sure I really need (or really want) the particular purchase and Mr. Sam is helpful in pointing out that I might not need it.

Most of Mr. Sam’s $300+ purchases are at Home Depot and relate to our real estate investments. By discussing those purchases we make sure we are managing our real estate business expenses.