Comments on: How to Handle Marriage and Money Talks

By: Danielle

Danielle — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 20:53:03 +0000

Have an agenda and avoid talking about it in between meetings.

By: DDFD at DivorcedDadFrugalDad

DDFD at DivorcedDadFrugalDad — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 14:28:50 +0000

Good post! Comunication and partnership are key to making it work for us.

By: tom

tom — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 02:44:31 +0000

“Pick the right time and neutral ground for your conversation(s).”
There is never a such thing as the right time or place, so if you want to have the talk now, have it now, don’t wait.

I think you are missing a big chunk here too, how about determining your spouses money habits past and present?
How about seeing if there goals, financially are similar to yours?
How about kids, marriage, career, etc?

By: Kristy @ Master Your Card

Kristy @ Master Your Card — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 04:21:58 +0000

I think the most important aspect is using the ‘We’ approach as opposed to the ‘You’ approach. Putting your spouse on the defensive isn’t going to solve anything and is likely to make it worse. But, putting it in a way that makes them feel as though they are part of a team is generally more motivational.

While you’re having the discussion, it may be relevant to point out the benefits to them. Let’s face it, most people – regardless of the discussion – want to know what’s in it for them. The benefit could simply be taking a special vacation, more in the retirement account, or any number of personal goals specific to you as a couple. But, the key with this is that your goals have to be aligned. It’s no good to tell your spouse that saving X dollars benefits them by adding more to their retirement account if they’re not really interested in retirement saving. Baby steps. They have to see the value in something before they can commit to it fully.

By: Dana

Dana — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 20:11:42 +0000

I think the basic assumptions and attitudes toward money need to be somewhat compatible for the discussions to get anywhere. Very important to address.

By: The Happy Rock

The Happy Rock — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:33:15 +0000

You nailed a couple of my favorite tips. Don’t meet on the spot. Give each person time to prepare their attitudes and thoughts. It makes a world of difference.

Keep the meeting short 15-20 minutes and resume at another time if necessary. It helps stop the talk from degrading and is respectful if there is a person that doesn’t like finance talk as much.

I also just did a post on giving your spouse a choice that is really relevant to point #2