Here is some interesting info about divorce rates:

http://www.divorcereform.org/rates.html

The short answer is that the Census Bureau has revised the numbers downward to the 40-43% range. Still a lot, but not 50%.

Also, an NY Times article on the shortcomings of these types of calculations:

http://www.divorcereform.org/nyt05.html

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming…

@Rosa, there are categories in our budget over which my wife has exclusive control (e.g., Baby, Dining, and Househoold supplies) and I trust her to handle that well. I don’t ask her about those purchases, but I expect that she will keep food on the table with the money.

Rosa, it has nothing to do with making it “really logistically difficult” – it’s just that we decided that marriage is forever, and divorce is not an option. As I said, to me it is a natural part of “two become one.”

Anyway, I’m not here to argue about this or debate it – I just wanted to respond to a few points.

So I had my own account for spending out of and if I didn’t, I might have had to leave him. (He’s better now. He’s a very good, conscientious person and he was terrified he wasn’t going to be able to do it right.)

Daniel, it’s just about as fair to say that people who make it really logistically difficult to leave aren’t secure in their emotional commitment to each other – if you’re really committed, you can have all separate everything and still be together, after all. You can’t judge people’s emotions by their practical arrangements.

[edit: disclaimer] I’m not one of those people who believes in “one-true love” – I think a relationship is work and sometimes it doesn’t always work out.

@Daniel – Perhaps it’s a way out but the fact that a majority of couples divorce and only a handful of those are amicable, I find it fiscally irresponsible to throw everything together and let “love conquer all”. I equate it to driving without car insurance or removing the guard on my lawnmower. Sure, I’m never going to willingly stick my hand in there so why do I need it? I love my girlfriend and no, I haven’t been married before so perhaps I’m being ignorant but being a child of a divorcee and seeing what kind of devastation it caused financially and knowing that it can ruin a good portion of your life, I a bit skeptical of putting all my eggs in one basket. Perhaps I’ll change my opinion after I get married… but God bless those of you who believe in forever love, I guess I’m just a pessimist.

I know this will offend those with split finances, but I always wonder about those who keep separate finances: are they spouses, or are they roommates?

To me, combining finances is a natural part of “leave and cleave” and “two become one,” and I cannot fathom why people would not do it. It just seems to me that keeping finances separate is a subtle, if subconscious, way of making it easier to divorce, which to me is not an option. Our life is combined – forever – so our finances should be too.

I’ve seen couples that benefit by keeping things apart however. Especially when one has a huge spending problem and they need to isolate it. This can be a decent solution but a better one is usually therapy.

When we have children we will probably merge the checking accounts because, Lord willing, my wife will be staying home.

Any account we have opened since being married is always a joint account, even if it is primarily (and most times solely) used by only one of us.

But, I do think at least two joint accounts are necessary. This would be the way I’d set up my finances whenever I do get married.

1 joint account for household bills
1 joint account for emergency funds

I’d also recommend each have their own accounts for spending and saving that neither spouse is on. To keep things fair, I recommend that a specific amount from each check be agreed upon and allocated to each account according to the couples various needs. In addition, I’d recommend monthly meetings where they look over each others statements and make any adjustments if needed. It’s not about hiding money from the other person, but having a little protection in the event that something doesn’t work out.

Just my two cents worth, anyway.

I make about 2/3 of his income, so sometimes he covers the more expensive things [like a vacuum]. We’re both paid biweekly, but our pay dates are never on the same week, so we have a system that whoever just got paid buys groceries until the other is paid. We try to hold off on discretionary spending until it’s within three days of the next paycheck, and then if then if one of us has enough money for something we’ll do/buy it.

We don’t argue about money and are both generous to each other with it. Sometimes we do have ‘reminder talks’ though. His strength is saving, and mine is budgeting.

As long as both sides are HAPPY w/ it, any setup works for me.

As for play money, we have unwritten rules that work pretty well. Discretionary spending (not groceries, etc) without prior consent of the other is ok – but cannot exceed a minimum amount. Started at about $20 – but has probably moved to $30-40.

Maybe the most important thing is to have joint financial goals – and that way you work together toward them.

Hubster makes about twice as much as I do, so his paycheck goes into the main joint checking account and covers our one main cc payment — we tend to use our Upromise BofA cc for almost everything (food, entertainment, purchases, appliances, Rx, etc) just to get as much as we can toward our son’s college loans. Meanwhile, my paycheck goes directly into my personal checking account, then I pay all utility bills, mortgage, and any smaller cc amounts that I can cover with what’s left.

Hubster’s personal checking account is funded out of the main joint account whenever it gets low, and he gets to do with that $ whatever he wants.

It’s probably not a perfect system, but it seems to work out best for our situations.

We do the percentage-of-income thing – we both put half of what we make in the joint household account, and the rest is spending money (though typically we both save our “spending” money, it’s separate from the designated savings & expenses accounts).

It doesn’t matter much, though – we take turns paying all the bills, except when we do it together. I was in charge of all of it for a while and eventually it started making me uncomfortable – like, he wouldn’t even notice if I charged a bunch of stuff on his credit card or didn’t pay the mortgage, and that’s not right.

ie:

I make 100k
She makes 40k

Rent is 1400 / mo
i pay 1k of it, she pays 400 of it.

I do the same with all utilities etc, and is tracked in an excel spreadsheet.

The things not calculated are medical etc etc. Any 401k etc are in the equation to also try and keep it fair.

Things would be different if she knew how to manage money.

But I also believe you need an accountibility partner in life and in finances!

However, he wound up getting a short-term job that is in another state, so in order to keep our finances straight we’ve now really got 2 completely separate accounts. It’s sort of strange, but that way neither of us has to worry about a rent check not being covered because the other one had a large expense.

I can’t wait for the day he’s home and we can go back to 1 account!

But I’ve seen people go both ways in the course of 300 money makeover/financial planning pieces I did in my newspaper career. I think the correct choice is the one you both are most comfortable with. Among many couples I know, one person tends to be more of a money maven than his or her partner, which might figure into the decision.

Who owes what matters too. I don’t recall details just now, but I know there are some advantages to keeping student loan obligations separate and few additional benefits to blending them.

I’d also take a close look at separate accounts if it’s a second or subsequent marriage for one of the partners. And some separation probably makes sense if the wedding couple are seniors with grown children who may or may not be comfortable with Mom or Dad’s choice. Thanksgiving could get awkward otherwise.

One, the couples tend to lose the power to discuss expenditures. Maybe one spouse is spending indiscriminately and it bothers the other spouse. Well, the spender tends to stick to the argument that he or she has enough cash in their account so they can do what they want. Or worse, the spender may start building a credit balance, but argue they can handle the payments with his or her money. But, this strains the marriage as each partner then starts analyzing the spending of the other. Combining finances tends to open discussions like these up.

Two, one partner tends to pay the “bigger” bills and then this leads to arguments. One spouse may pay the mortgage while the other pays utilities, insurance, and food. This eventually leads to arguments from the spouse who pays more. Ideally, they would split each bill down the middle, but that tends to be difficult since each spouse ends up performing different tasks in a marriage (shopping, car maintenance, etc.). It is hard to be totally equal as it takes time each month so most couples just take responsibility for a certain expense. Having joint finances tends to make this a no-brainer and avoid certain problems.

Three, non-disclosure gets to be a problem. This kind of coincides with problem one, but I find that one spouse ends up hiding expenses or bad money habits if finances are separate. Usually, there is a spender and saver in a couple. Joint finances tend to balance the two, but when they have separate finances the two reach extremes.

I am sure there are some married couples who are able to navigate separate finances, but I have seen more problems than I do with joint finances. In fact, I have sometimes thought about not taking married clients who don’t do joint finances because it is always a lot more work dealing with the emotional issues each partner has towards their finances. I spend more time refereeing than planning sometimes.

We combine our finances but separate via the budget. My wife does all the grocery shopping and she has a budget for that. We each have a discretionary spending budget (akin to each of our allowances). And then there are other budgets. We each take responsibility for different parts of our budget. Overall it works out because we know what we can spend on what areas. I don’t worry about the grocery budget and she doesn’t worry about my discretionary spending budget. We both see the numbers in all budget areas so we keep each other accountable to stay within it.

Overall it is what works well for us.

As far as having any arguments about money, none per se, although we have had some testy and tense discussions the past few years because of accumulating a lot of debt, but that is starting to change. As we develop a plan to get OUT of debt and have started seeing some results, the tension about money has noticeably diminished.

We also have individual checking accounts for gas, lunch, and gifts. These are minor accounts money-wise. In case of an emergency, we can access each other’s account.

Its worked well for us and it’s been easy to maintain since many things are automatic.