Comments on: Helping Your Parents With Their Finances

By: Melissa

Melissa — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 20:10:20 +0000

I just had my mother ask me for $800 a month to replace her workers compensation that is ending. She has gotten herself in a bad situation financially, and through the years I have tried to steer her into better decisions but it just isn’t happening. Now she’s in a hole and every suggestion I make gets met with negativity, and it seems she just wants to coast (she has said before she shouldn’t have to work). I am SO frustrated! She cries and puts the guilt on me, why won’t I help her (I say I AM trying to help her, I have offered to pay for certain things to be done to get her back on her feet and pointed in the right direction but she refuses, she just wants money in the bank). And just because I am married to someone who makes a good bit of money doesn’t mean I’m a savings and loan, you know?? Ever since we married, family (and _EX_ family) has hit me up for cash. I helped here and there in a limited way in a few cases, but earlier this year I drew the line and said no more. Now this. Grrr!

By: Pro2Pro Network

Pro2Pro Network — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 18:47:26 +0000

Interesting topic! Every child should be able to understand their parents’ needs and the best way to resolve the problem. Every family is different, but no one should know your parents better than you! I would gladly assist my parents and I know they would allow me to, if they really needed it.

By: Macy

Macy — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 06:13:37 +0000

The feeling of having obligation to parents pulls children to that difficult situation. Definitely, kids need intelligent advice such as this. And you brought up the topic well. Thanks!

By: DDFD at DivorcedDadFrugalDad

DDFD at DivorcedDadFrugalDad — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 14:17:42 +0000

Solid post. Family and money can be like oil and water!

By: financial planner

financial planner — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 01:24:10 +0000

Our firm matches individuals to wealth advisors, so we talk to investors and advisors about this subject often. This is difficult even for financial advisors to teach their clients to bring up finances with other family members. However, it is one of the most important things you can do because it saves much more difficult conversations later when something goes wrong.

By: BSimple

BSimple — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 00:15:30 +0000

Speaking to your parents about their finances is not always the easiest topic to bring. As they get older its gets tougher and tougher. Another solution would be to possible set up a Rev Trust which would enable someone to step in to manage their finances once they are unable to. Its not the cheapest solution but a way to help them as they get older.

By: Laura

Laura — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 21:04:05 +0000

Thanks for your feedback. I’ve heard some people feeling squeezed by their parents. It’s a touchy situation.

@Madame X; You bring up a good point about learning more Medicare.

By: Madame X

Madame X — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:28:21 +0000

Excellent advice. I’ve been dealing with all this with my own parents over the past year and it is tough. It’s sad when people want to just relax and enjoy retirement and then the lightbulb goes off that their money won’t last long enough…

I think another key thing to keep in mind is to keep reassuring your parents that it’s about them, not you. If they have any assets that you might inherit, make sure they know you’re focused on how they’ll cover their expenses to live comfortably, not on whether there will be anything left after they die!

Also, educate yourself about Medicare and Medicaid. It’s pretty complicated but very important to know what’s covered and what isn’t when it comes to nursing homes, etc.
One of my series of posts on this topic is here.

By: MoneyEnergy

MoneyEnergy — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 17:53:23 +0000

Great topic to bring up. Along with respecting parents’ wishes is just the simple fact of not being too pushy with anything, either. If you’re in a family of people with strong opinions and/or stubbornness:) then both sides might either be too pushy or too stubborn on a certain point. A more subtle approach might work better here. Be clear and honest, but know when to step away if it looks like you’re just getting in the way. Time might do the rest of the work for you. So definitely preserve the relationship, that’s the most important piece here, I think.

By: Rosa

Rosa — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:36:20 +0000

Wow, what a big topic! I’m really interested to see what people have to say – thank you for bringing this up.

By: Neal@Wealth Pilgrim

Neal@Wealth Pilgrim — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:31:13 +0000

This is a crucial subject and I’m glad you wrote this post.

My experience is that both the kids and the parents are often terrified of having this conversation.

The best conversation starter I’ve ever seen…is the truth.

“Hey Mom & Dad….I’m really afraid of having this conversation but…….”