Comments on: Savers vs. Spenders: Opposites Attract?

By: Dish with Vivien

Dish with Vivien — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 05:09:44 +0000

i like to save, and he likes to spend, but i guess it kinds of balance things out a bit where we try to meet in the middle, having savings and spending once in a while.

By: J. Money

J. Money — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 19:59:39 +0000

Yup, same here – we’re both on the same page, although only ONE of us likes to talk about money and manage it *ahem*

By: Paul in NJ

Paul in NJ — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:47:19 +0000

My wife and I are both quite frugal — we’ve never argued about money. Fortunately, we’ve been pretty successful in passing this attitude on to our two girls.

By: KC

KC — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:13:59 +0000

@H Lee D – Good point on self-neglect. If it weren’t for my mother-in-law and me I’m not sure my husband would have much more than the basics. I’m not sure he’d sleep on a mattress on the floor, but he wouldn’t have much more than a basic bed. It was that way with his car – had the free insurance rental not been set to expire I don’t think he would have purchased another car. Interestingly enough his brothers are the same way. I don’t blame the parents, although their mother is very nurturing – if anything its cause all 3 of them (all in their 30s now) are very intelligent and have good self-esteem – they don’t feel the need to have nice, material things to feel good about themselves.

By: Chris

Chris — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 13:25:20 +0000

My wife and I become in agreement about our spending because we have a written budget at the beginning of the month. She is responsible for all the groceries + extra cash for all the other stuff she needs. The agreement is that I will not criticize anything she spends it on as long as she doesn’t go over her limit. I am responsible for all other expenses and naturally I rarely buy anything else that isn’t in our long term (written-down) goals.

By: Financial Samurai

Financial Samurai — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 04:05:54 +0000

My wife is EXTREMELY frugal and loves enjoy all of the world’s free stuff. She spends very little money.

I used to spend a lot more money, partly b/c I make a lot more, but now that I’ve been with her, I spend very little.

Best,

By: Manshu

Manshu — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 00:51:53 +0000

Not exactly opposite, but yeah there are plenty of differences. Making compromises and meeting the other half way is what makes it work though.

By: Evan

Evan — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 00:47:04 +0000

I was the complete opposite of my wife when we met and it was as we grew up together I thinkwe came closer to the middle (she is beyond annoyingly cheap vs I like to spend).

By: Jesse

Jesse — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 22:14:15 +0000

I am the saver and my wife is the spender. She is extremely thrifty compared to many in our age group but of the two of us, she is not as strict a saver as I. Has this hurt our relationship? In the long run, I would say no. In the past, we had fought about money off and on, but nothing too serious.
To fix this we found our balance. There are certain things that my wife likes to spend on, and I’m ok with those as long as we are both happy. I would rather pick my battles, lose in the small stuff to win overall than nitpick every little thing because I know that would hurt us eventually.

(the particular area we don’t see eye to eye on is my wife likes to eat out and I like to cook at home, not just because of the cost but because I genuinely like to cook. The cost is a bonus.)

By: Single Guy Money

Single Guy Money — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 21:42:58 +0000

Though I am currently single (thank goodness), in the past, it seems I have attracted spenders.

By: Lee

Lee — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 20:13:00 +0000

mmm, too true. I have worked my ass off this year to get out of debt. Another 2 months to go to complete debt freedom.

My estranged wife on the other hand went bankrupt in April. The easy way out.

By: H Lee D

H Lee D — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 19:36:07 +0000

@KC: that’s not frugal/saver, that’s self-neglect. My husband was like that. When we sold his house just after we got married, every water fixture had to be replaced. Yes, all of them. He had been sleeping on a mattress that was decades old and sagged in the middle. He had plenty of money in the bank (and was OK with spending it as needed) but just didn’t take care of himself/his surroundings. He’s better about it now.

By: Miss M

Miss M — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 19:29:53 +0000

We’re financial opposites making it work, without fighting I might add. I tend to write a lot of stories about how to make the best of this type of partnership and how to understand that your partner is simply different, not better or worse. But I didn’t realize that we are the norm rather than the exception!

By: Connie Petertonjes

Connie Petertonjes — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:50:02 +0000

I am the spender, my husband is the saver.

I try to hold back on the spending and make smarter choices. He tries not to review our everyday spending in too much detail or else he gets super nit-picky.

It caused a problem a few years ago when he wanted to do a budget down to the penny…recording every dime I spent. It caused some problems. I got defensive and felt like a child. So, we loosened up a bit. He tried handling everything for a couple of months and realized it takes more money to run a household than he imagined. Now, we budget, but have loosers standards. We each get fun money every payday that neither one of us has to explain or justify. It’s still in the budget, but I feel in control of my purchases and he isn’t criticizing every latte or earring purchase.

I think communication is the key. It’s hard to find what you both feel comfortable with.

Oh, and we have tried to automate as much of our savings as possible. That also protects our financial position, even when I spend more than I should. (We don’t have credit card debt, so thankfully, I haven’t fallen into those traps.)

By: Bargain Babe

Bargain Babe — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:15:10 +0000

Sometimes I think my husband is more frugal than I am. When he buys electronics (I like to buy clothes and food), he spends a lot of time comparing prices and getting the best deal. Then when he brings the item home he tells me the process he went through to find the deal. My purchases are generally smaller and more frequent, so I do a little less comparison shopping. But we’re both aware of what a “good price” is for the item we have our eyes on.

Short term, we have our own monthly allowance that we can spend however we want. So while we are both relatively frugal, we avoid tiffs about how we spend day to day.

Long term, we both agree on our savings goals.

By: Neal@Wealth Pilgrim

Neal@Wealth Pilgrim — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 17:57:11 +0000

We were miles apart when we got married.

I was the earner and the saver. She wasn’t a spender per se but she did spend more than I did.

Now, she’s earning more and spending less. I’ve loosened up too. I think we’re moving towards each other and it’s nice.

By: KC

KC — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 17:44:28 +0000

We’re opposites. He’s the earner and saver…and I’m the spender, but also the finances person. I’m far, far better at investing and managing money then he is – I enjoy it, he doesn’t. But the reason he’s the saver and I’m the spender is that its my responsibility to buy EVERYTHING. When he totaled his car a few years ago I’m not sure he would have ever bought another car had I not done the ground work and gave him a choice of 3 cars. He has holes in some of his clothes, underclothes, and shoes until I buy him something to replace it – he wont’ mention it, I have to notice it. I buy all the food and household needs. My name is on all the utilities cause I’m the only one with initiative enough to set them up. I bought both our house and my car without him having seen either. There were extenuating circumstances on the house since it was a long distance buy, but still…

So yes we are opposites. I’m not sure I’m a spender per se, but compared to my husband I’m a spender. If I ever want to have anything in my life like food or clothes…I’ll have to be the spender. On the bright side…I always get what I want!

By: Norm

Norm — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 17:34:24 +0000

We were opposites when we got married. She was the saver, I was the spender. Caused some strife that we could have done without However, over the years, we’ve met in the middle (She admits she was too “frugal” and I admit I spent too much).

Not only have we met, but at times we find ourselves in the opposite role where I’m the saver and she’s the spender.

Marriage is too important to end over money…just gotta work through it like everything else.

By: Dave

Dave — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:22:40 +0000

Opposites attract? Well duh! LOL! When it comes to marriage, if both of you were just the same, one of you wouldn’t be needed!

By: Rosa

Rosa — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:21:38 +0000

My partner is the only person I know who is more of a tightwad than I am. We’re each the notorious saver in our group of friends & coworkers…but he thinks I’m a spendthrift. I wonder if that affected that survey – lots of people think their partner is the opposite of them when really they’re about an inch apart on the scale.

By: H Lee D

H Lee D — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 15:37:05 +0000

We’re pretty well-matched financially, which is good. Sometimes he’ll want to buy something we can’t afford, sometimes I will. Usually, we’re not looking to buy expensive things, and neither of us is a shopper. We both have expensive hobbies, though – he golfs and I do triathlons, so we need to keep those in check. Neither of us makes a ton of money, so it’s a good thing we’re not big spenders!!

By: lostAnnfound

lostAnnfound — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 14:57:23 +0000

Hubby & I are pretty much the same, a combination of both (more spenders) that got us into CC debt, which now that we are “older & wiser” we are working on paying off. We never really sat down and discussed finances & financial goals in detail before we got married, only lightly touched upon it. If we had done that years ago we would not be in this debt situation. 20/20 hindsight I guess & better late than never, as we work together to decrease our debt & increase our savings.

By: Dan

Dan — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 14:15:42 +0000

I save, she spends, and I’m cool with that. She gets a say in the big picture — ie, we agree on long term and short term goals together, and I put together the day-to-day spending plan to accommodate that. It works as well as can be expected.

I used to date a tighter tightwad than me. It was frustrating, because when I wanted to splurge, she didn’t. At least dating a spender, I can splurge when I want. But then I become really proud when she says we can’t afford something

By: TH

TH — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 13:52:35 +0000

Well, I’d have to say that it does cause friction, maybe expecially for the “saver” (the squirell in me hates to see money go goodbye!) but it beats the heck out of, say two spenders getting together. Shudder.

One couple that I’m friends with were like that – credit card debt and bills in collection up to their eyeballs because both spent like there was no tomorrow. They finally started to get it together when she got pregnant, but by then they were already getting evicted and their credit score was trashed. Ended up having to move in with her parents and it’s going to haunt them for years to come.

By: John DeFlumeri Jr

John DeFlumeri Jr — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 13:34:02 +0000

They will always attract, because the spender is attracted to the saver’s savings!

By: Gene at www.kitchentablenomics.com

Gene at www.kitchentablenomics.com — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 13:31:38 +0000

Great minds (okay, not so much on my end); same circles.
I found some similar research I wrote about before the weekend, at http://kitchentablenomics.blog.....money.html

I wrote about financial plans we helped create for about 300 families, back in my previous life. Don’t know if it’s statistically significant, but exactly one of the couples in that group was precisely on the same money handling page. Lots of others were close but not quite there.

Always enjoy reading you.

By: Laura

Laura — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 11:39:32 +0000

We’re opposites, with myself being the spender. I think it depends on how much of a tightwad or spender you are. We tend to see each other’s position, so we’ve been fortunate that our talks don’t get out of hand.

We did talk about this a bit before we got married, so it wasn’t a complete shock. I would also note that many of our friends are opposites too, some more obvious than others. I think it can be a nice balance in a relationship if handled right.